Earlier today I came across a useful definition of shame in Not Your Typical Leadership Podcast with Bill Tierney and Martin Kettelhut, PhD – Clarity Catalyst. Bill describes shame as:
“Shame is the belief that I’m less than whole, perfect, and complete. And then there’s another layer of ego… which is that part of the ego that’s in charge of making sure nobody finds out that I have shame. And now I present some version of myself to the world…so that I’m lovable, acceptable, and belong.” (listen to the podcast here)
I found this useful, as it taps into a core truth about how we view ourselves. The moment we begin to identify as less than “whole, perfect, and complete,” we develop a false identity, an act we present to the world. As coaches, recognising this dynamic is key.
Brené Brown‘s definition complements this perspective: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” (read here)
In coaching, shame is crucial because it shapes how individuals see themselves and others. It’s often the unseen barrier to growth. As coaches, we can support our clients in recognising that their true selves are, as Bill says, whole and complete. By addressing shame in a non-judgemental way, we create a space where clients can move beyond their ego’s act and reconnect with their authentic selves.
Coaching, in this sense, isn’t just about helping clients achieve goals; it’s about helping them rediscover their wholeness.
Candida Javaid Coaching & Mentoring 