Listening is one of the most under-developed muscles in communication. It’s not about fixing or solving anything. It’s about understanding, learning, and being present.
As Tom Henschel explains in episode #248 of his The Look and Sound of Leadership Podcast, we must first be aware of our listening habits. Are we truly hearing what’s being said? Or are we focused on how to respond? Listening starts with awareness. Self-awareness is key. Reflect on how you did after every conversation. Did you listen to learn? Did you stay focused on what was being shared, without judgment?
Here are some key insights from Tom’s approach to becoming a better listener:
- Be comfortable with silence. Let the other person fill it. Their silence is part of the process, not something to be feared.
- You’re listening to learn, not to fix. Their reality is theirs, and it’s not your job to change it. Listen deeply to understand the situation as they see it.
- Listening is a choice. Stay focused on the facts and feelings. Everything they say is valuable data, but remember: this is their truth, not yours.
- Feelings are just data. Embrace feelings as part of the conversation. They’re natural and important, but they’re not about you.
- Mirroring. Repeat back what you hear. This shows you’re truly listening, like when someone says, “That really annoyed me,” and you ask, “Did it?” Or when they say, “What would you do?” and you respond, “I have no idea, what do you want to do?”
Tom’s podcast is an absolute gem. One of the coaching podcasts I’ve listened to for the longest time (Tom, we go back quite a few years now!), and it’s unique and unbelievably useful—every single episode. Thank you, Tom, for sharing your wisdom with us!
I love his reminder: Listening isn’t about agreeing or fixing; it’s about deepening your understanding. Reflect on your listening habits and keep improving. After all, the more we listen, the more we learn.
If you are interested in the whole episode, you can find it here.
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