In a recent episode of Claire Pedrick MCC‘s The Coaching Inn podcast, Dumi Magadlela PhD PCC shared insights from Chapter 8 of his book, Ubuntu Coaching. During his conversation with Claire, he introduced seven self-reflection questions designed to help us navigate life’s complexities and challenges.
These seven questions are:
- Who am I?
- Where am I?
- Where am I going?
- How will I know I’m there?
- What are my life’s milestones and achievements?
- What is my support system?
- What is my legacy and service to humanity?
Dumi explained how these questions can serve as powerful tools for self-coaching, encouraging deeper reflection on our lives. As I reflected on these questions during my journaling practice, I began exploring them through the lens of Robert Kegan’s theory of adult development.
Kegan’s framework outlines five stages of adult development:
- Stage 1: Impulsive Mind (early childhood)
- Stage 2: Imperial Mind (adolescence, ~6% of adults)
- Stage 3: Socialised Mind (~58% of adults)
- Stage 4: Self-Authoring Mind (~35% of adults)
- Stage 5: Self-Transforming Mind (~1% of adults)
I found that the way I respond to these questions evolves depending on where I am in my own journey of growth. Here’s what emerged during my reflections:
1. Who am I?
Initially, I might define myself by what I’ve achieved, the roles I play, or the things I own—“I am what I do” or “I am what I have.” As I reflect further, I notice how much my sense of self is shaped by my relationships and how others perceive me. It becomes about how I fit into the world around me.
Then, I start to look inward. ‘Who I am’ becomes less about others’ expectations and more about my values, goals, and the person I choose to be. Finally, I might imagine my identity as ever-changing, connected to something greater, and influenced by the systems and communities I am part of.
2. Where am I?
I might begin by thinking about where I stand in terms of success or failure—“Am I where I should be?” Then, I might shift my focus to how I fit into my relationships, my community, or society. Am I meeting the expectations of those around me?
As I go deeper, I start to ask if I am truly aligned with the path I’ve chosen for myself. Am I moving towards my personal vision? Ultimately, I might find myself asking how my current place in life contributes to or interacts with the larger systems and purposes I care about.
3. Where am I going?
At first, my focus might be on specific goals or milestones—“What do I want to achieve next?” Then, I might think about what others expect from me or where the relationships in my life are leading me.
As I grow, I might start looking at this question through the lens of my deeper purpose—“Where do I want to go, and why does it matter to me?” Eventually, I might explore this question in a broader sense, wondering how my journey connects to and influences the larger whole.
4. How will I know I’m there?
I might initially measure success by external achievements or visible markers—“I’ll know I’m there when I’ve accomplished X.” Later, I might seek validation from others, needing their recognition or approval to feel I’ve arrived.
Over time, though, I might rely more on my internal compass—“I’ll know I’m there when it feels right, regardless of what others think.” Eventually, I might come to see that “there” isn’t a fixed point but an evolving process of growth and adaptation.
5. What are my life’s milestones and achievements?
At first, I might focus on the tangible—degrees earned, promotions gained, or material successes. Then, I might think about the contributions I’ve made to my family, my community, or my relationships.
Later, I might define my milestones in terms of personal growth, fulfilment, or living in alignment with my values. Eventually, I might reflect on how my achievements ripple outward, contributing to something larger than myself.
6. What is my support system?
Initially, I might think of support as the people or resources I can depend on for practical help. As I go deeper, I might recognise the importance of emotional support—those who nurture and encourage me.
With time, I might see support as a two-way street, emphasising mutuality and shared values in my relationships. Finally, I might come to view support as something more expansive, including connections to nature, my community, or spiritual practices that sustain me.
7. What is my legacy and service to humanity?
I might begin by thinking of legacy in terms of tangible contributions—inheritance, accomplishments, or physical impact. Then, I might reflect on the ways I’ve influenced the people closest to me—my relationships and the memories I leave behind.
Over time, I might focus on the intentional contributions I’ve made based on my values and the kind of world I want to help create. Eventually, I might view legacy as an ongoing, interconnected process—how my existence contributes to humanity’s collective growth and evolution.
Final Reflection
These seven questions from Dumi Magadlela’s work, when paired with Kegan’s adult development theory, have deepened my understanding of self-coaching and reflection. If you’ve read any of my other posts, you’ll have noticed my love of merging ideas to see what emerges for me.
As I continue to grow, my answers to these questions will undoubtedly change, always reflecting where I am in my personal and professional journey.
Candida Javaid Coaching & Mentoring 