From labels to curiosity: Zach Mercurio’s insights about being human

“It is hard to be human.” That line from Zach Mercurio, Ph.D. got me thinking (and agreeing). I’d been listening to his conversation with Dave Stachowiak on Coaching for Leaders, and I found myself pausing, rewinding, scribbling down question after question. Not answers – questions.

I had first listened to the episode when it came out last week, and the things I’m writing about today just wouldn’t leave me alone, so I re-listened to it again. Zach invites us to take an honest look at how we see the people we work with:

“How we see people is usually how we treat them. How we treat them is usually how they see themselves. How they see themselves is usually how they act.”

It’s the Pygmalion effect, he reminds us – yes, but what he does next is what makes this episode so powerful. He offers a practice we could all probably do a little more of. He suggests writing down how we’ve labelled someone. “Difficult,” perhaps. “Demanding,” “needy,” “too quiet,” “too much.” No judgement – just awareness.

Then ask:

• Am I treating them through the lens of that label?
• Or am I choosing to understand them?

That shift – from judgement to curiosity – is subtle and brave. I’ve found it makes all the difference.

Zach also shared another beautiful idea he’d taken from a leader he worked with:

The do-over journal.

Every night, she thought about: What are my do-overs from today in my relationships? And what will I do the next time that situation happens?

It’s a gentle, forgiving ritual. It’s not about guilt – it’s about being human. About noticing the moments when we turned away or shut someone down. And asking ourselves: When this happens again (because it will), what will I do differently?

This practice reminded me how much of leadership isn’t grand strategy. It’s the micro-moments. The tone we take. The moment we choose to pause before replying. The ability to notice someone’s bid for connection – even if it comes in the form of a grumpy email.

Zach says:

“A lot of this is common sense. The problem is, it’s not common practice.”

Isn’t that just beautiful?

Warm thanks to Dave Stachowiak for hosting this generous, deeply human conversation – and to Zach Mercurio, Ph.D. for modelling a way of leading that is grounded, curious, and kind.

🎧 Coaching for Leaders: The Way to Notice People Better, 12 May 2025 🔗 Listen here