Not Stuck. The House Has Just Become Too Confusing Over Time

Photo by Mahsa Miraftabzadeh on Unsplash

“I feel stuck.”
I hear this often, and it usually comes from people who have done reasonably well. They have built a career, gained experience, taken on responsibility. From the outside, things look fine. And yet something feels unfinished.

Others are quick to reassure them that they are not stuck at all and that they should look at everything they have achieved. This comes from a good place. Friends want to help, and encouragement is often the role they feel they should play.

However, it matters to be clear. Being stuck is not the issue. It does not mean the person is broken or ungrateful. It often means they are becoming aware that their lived reality no longer quite matches what they had hoped life would feel like.

Coaching does something different.

When I think about coaching, I often picture clients describing a house full of confusing staircases. Staircases that double back on themselves, look as if they should lead somewhere but do not, and feel disorientating when you are standing in the middle of them. Most of us live with these staircases every day, moving quickly and on autopilot, taking the same routes again and again, especially when we are under pressure.

This tends to become most noticeable in mid-career. By this point, we have usually built a great deal: experience, competence, reputation. Yet the staircase that once made sense can begin to feel narrow, steep, or strangely circular. The question is rarely, “What is wrong with me?” More often, it is, “Is this really all there is?”

Coach-like conversations slow this down. Rather than analysing how the house was built, coaching helps us notice where we are on the staircase right now. What am I doing when I feel stuck? Which turns do I take without thinking? What happens if I pause, look around, or choose a different step? This happens through dialogue, through being listened to without being interpreted, and through questions that help us orient ourselves in the present moment.

Coaching is not about diagnosing or repairing the past. It is about building awareness, choice, and agency in how we move forward. Many people come to coaching not because something is wrong, but because doing “OK” no longer feels like enough.

They are not stuck.
The house has simply become too confusing over time.

Coaching is not therapy.
But it can help us find our footing.