Photo by Vladislav Nikonov on Unsplash
Feedback is something most of us recognise as important because it supports growth, builds self-awareness, and helps us improve how we work with others. And yet, many of us still avoid asking for it, even when we know it would be helpful.
Why is that?
Because it can feel uncomfortable. We might worry about hearing something we do not agree with, or we might fear that it will confirm doubts we already have about ourselves. Sometimes it is simply because it feels too formal or awkward to bring into everyday conversations, especially when we are busy and focused on getting through our work.
…bold, isn’t it? I cannot yet imagine a world where I master this art of asking for feedback without feeling uncomfortable, but I can commit to learning how to get better at being in that discomfort. I promised myself about two years ago to practice this, and it has become a guiding intention.
But perhaps the challenge is not feedback itself but how we approach it and the way we choose to ask for it.
Ask for advice, not feedback
A simple change in wording can make feedback feel much more accessible because it reduces the sense of evaluation and makes the conversation feel more natural.
Instead of asking, “Can I have some feedback?”, we might try asking: “What is one piece of advice you would give me to improve?”
This works well because it encourages people to think about the future rather than the past, which means we are more likely to receive practical and actionable ideas. It also makes the interaction feel lighter because we are asking for one specific suggestion rather than opening up a broad and potentially overwhelming conversation.
Keeping it to one piece of advice is particularly helpful because it is quick to ask and easy for someone else to answer, which makes it far more likely that we will actually do it regularly.
Do not overlook our strengths
Many of us focus on what is not working because our inner critic tends to be louder than our awareness of what we do well. This negativity bias can mean we overlook the areas where we already have the most potential to grow.
However, development does not only come from fixing weaknesses because our greatest opportunity for progress often lies in building on our strengths and using them more intentionally.
A helpful question to ask is: “When do you see me at my best?”
This question works well because it invites specific examples rather than general comments, which helps us to notice patterns in how others experience us. Over time, this can help us understand what we are already good at, how we are perceived by others, and whether this aligns with how we want to show up at work.
It also gives us the chance to think more deliberately about how we can use our strengths more often because we are clearer about what they are.
Get curious about blind spots
Blind spots are difficult because they are, by definition, things we cannot easily see in ourselves, which makes them hard to ask about directly.
If we simply ask someone about our blind spots, they may struggle to respond because the question feels too vague or too broad. Instead, it is much more effective to connect the question to a goal that matters to us.
For example, we might say: “I would like to take on bigger projects. What might get in my way?”
This approach works because it gives the other person a clear context, which makes it easier for them to offer something specific and useful. It also means that the feedback we receive is more relevant because it is directly linked to something we are trying to achieve.
A final thought
When learning is the focus, feedback becomes less about judgment and more about curiosity because we are actively seeking information that will help us improve rather than waiting to be evaluated. It does not need to be formal or time-consuming because small, thoughtful questions asked regularly and with intention can make a meaningful difference over time. Feedback is not just something we receive. It is something we can actively create, especially when we take responsibility for asking in a way that supports our own learning and development.
That said, some people are just not right for us, as feedback givers or in supporting our growth. We can absolutely make those decisions. Obviously, apart from the classics such as Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen and Radical Candor by Kim Scott, we have found some podcasts particularly useful. Kate Waterfall Hill’s podcast How to Lead and Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis’ Squiggly Careers offer practical insights and examples that help bring these ideas to life.
…If you’ve read this far, thank you! Maybe you could do me a favour. I love this work, and most of my posts are inspired by the sessions I run for my coaching groups. If you are in any way interested, or know of anyone who might be, I would be so grateful if you could reach out to me. I’d love to hear from you – and maybe you have some advice.
Candida Javaid Coaching & Mentoring 